I may not be exactly sure what they're selling, but, I'm pretty sure I'm in the market!
The Struggle Is Real...
59 minutes ago
Mandatory dog registration- owner carries registration card that lists all dogs owned. Failing to register your dog would be a felony.
No adoptions unless done through a central registration office. Dogs must be picked up at central registration office.
No "straw purchases" of dogs to be given to someone else.
Mandatory government approved muzzle required to transport dog to your home.
Mandatory government approved, locked kennel required; only registered owner will have combination/key. (The government may, however, wish to check on the security of your kennel from time to time)
Mandatory obedience school classes and shots.
No more than two dogs may be purchased within a calendar year, unless you possess a Federal Fido License. (Trust the government to know just how many dogs you are permitted to own.)
Dogs may not be walked in public, or transported in vehicles, except initial purchase and trips to vet's office.
Waiting period for pet adoption extended to three months to allow all paperwork to pass. New owner will be responsible for food and kennel costs, pending adoption. (This may raise the cost of obtaining your dog)
People under 21 prohibited from owning/ caring for dogs.
Extensive mental evaluation for new and repeat owners.
Mandatory liability insurance for dogs.
The government will tell you the minimum and maximum size, and type of any dog you are allowed to own.
German shepherds largely resemble wolves. Therefore they must be illegal for civilian ownership.
Chihuahuas and dachshunds, the so called Saturday Night Special dogs, are completely prohibited.
Required reporting of stolen dogs within four hours of discovery
Kibble purchases made only for the dog specified on registration. Since there is no "sporting purpose" for large capacity cases of dog food/large bags of kibble/dry food, purchases will be limited to a maximum of six cans and/or a 2# bag. Despite a background check performed before purchasing the dog, background checks may be required before each and every dog food purchase.
DNA samples and microstamping of dog's teeth may be required. Millions of law enforcement dollars that could be utilized to investigate, solve or prevent actual crime, will be diverted to endless cataloguing and maintaining a largely useless database. Microstamping is largely useless in identifying bite marks in soft, fleshy objects, and will tend to wear naturally as your dog chews, rendering it further useless. But really, what price can we put on safety? It's for the children!
(Microstamping your dog's teeth will add an additional $200 to the price of your pet.)
If one of your dogs is suspected of a dog related crime, all of your dogs may be seized, and pending an investigation, might not be returned to you and destroyed.
Any time a dog commits an attack, anywhere on the planet, your dog may be subject to new regulations as we determine necessary.
If you fly your dog from one dog friendly state to another, but you have a layover in an anti-dog state, you may be arrested and have your dog taken from you.
Not long after [Andrew Ferguson] and I met, we were driving down Pennsylvania Avenue and encountered some or another noisy pinko demonstration. “How come,” I asked Andy, “whenever something upsets the Left, you see immediate marches and parades and rallies with signs already printed and rhyming slogans already composed, whereas whenever something upsets the Right, you see two members of the Young Americans for Freedom waving a six-inch American flag?”-P. J. O’Rourke
“We have jobs,” said Andy.
For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty Sp4c. Kinsman (then Pfc.) distinguished himself in action in the afternoon while serving as a rifleman with Company B, on a reconnaissance-in-force mission. As his company was proceeding up a narrow canal in armored troops carriers, it came under sudden and intense rocket, automatic weapons and small-arms fire from a well entrenched Viet Cong force.
The company immediately beached and began assaulting the enemy bunker complex. Hampered by exceedingly dense undergrowth which limited visibility to 10 meters, a group of 8 men became cut off from the main body of the company. As they were moving through heavy enemy fire to effect a link-up, an enemy soldier in a concealed position hurled a grenade into their midst. Sp4c. Kinsman immediately alerted his comrades of the danger, then unhesitatingly threw himself on the grenade and blocked the explosion with his body. As a result of his courageous action, he received severe head and chest wounds.
Through his indomitable courage, complete disregard for his personal safety and profound concern for his fellow soldiers, Sp4c. Kinsman averted loss of life and injury to the other 7 men of his element. Sp4c. Kinsman's extraordinary heroism at the risk of his life, above and beyond the call of duty, are in keeping with the highest traditions of the military service and reflect great credit upon himself, his unit, and the U.S. Army.
“A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces, but also by the men it honors; the men it remembers.”
“I admired Casablanca very much. I thought it was a very well put-together piece of schwarmerei*, with just the right measure of every ingredient and all that crap, and of course, tremendous luck, because they were making it up as they went along...The war flattened everybody’s taste in a very curious way. The best thing they could do in the movies was some delirious piece of fabrication like Casablanca. That was the great work of art, during the whole period of the war. Nothing else.”-Orson Welles
Barack Obama may still be the world champion. His insistence that Americans have no right to get on their “high horse” about ISIS’s atrocities because of the misdeeds of Christians a thousand years ago remains the ne plus ultra of whataboutist asininity.-Jonah Goldberg, on Obama's ability to make a tu quoque argument