College Should Be Free for Everyone!

I'm starting to feel the Bern! All this talk about free college and forgiving student loans is starting to bring me around. It would be very egalitarian for everyone to attend college, and level the playing field in employment, with a greater number of college graduates. However, Sanders didn't seem to have too fine a grasp on exactly how to do this economically. On the other hand, I do.

First, we eliminate waste. I propose that "college" will consist of a one day seminar on "Finding Your Safe Place", "Recognizing Your Gender" and "Let's Protest on the Quad at Noon". Second, we reduce costs by giving college professors the same $15/hour salary that they are so enamored of. They would be paid at that rate for two days the first year, needing a day to prepare material for their class, and then eliminate the second day in subsequent years, since they'll be teaching the same material over and over again. To earn their living the rest of the year, they should compete for jobs with all the freshly minted college graduates they are producing.

Third, make college more accessible. Allow students in areas not served by Uber to do the classes online. Fourth, no grades. We cannot stigmatize those who though no fault of their own were not able to attend or comprehend what was being taught. Diplomas would be issued the same day, electronically, with vouchers to have their diplomas printed at Kinko's if they do not otherwise have access to a printer. Students who are unable to read their own diplomas can apply for post graduate courses in advanced technical training. (Adult Ed.)

I'm still working on a name for whatever institutes of higher learning remain, where genuine education takes place, since the name "college" will already be taken.

(Insert Trump University joke here.)