Seen in its natural habitat on an approach to a George Washington Bridge toll lane
The Chris Crizzlie Bear, Ursus Omniverae Horribilis , is found in New Jersey, ranging from Cape May to Newark. Sometimes mistakenly called "big boned", the Crizzlie could easily hibernate two winters in a row without breaking a sweat! Population estimates based on hair-snagging, DNA-based inventories, mark-recapture, and a refined multiple regression model put sightings of the Crizzlie as far west as Iowa and as far north as New Hampshire.
The mainland grizzly is widespread, and is representative and archetypal for the whole subspecific group. Even so, classification is being revised along genetic lines. The Crizzlie bear has evidence of rhino DNA in its ancestry.
On interspecies competition, the relationship between Crizzlie bears and other predators is mostly one-sided; after severe storms, however, the Crizzlie has been known to cozy up to such as the Mid Atlantic Weasel, Obamanicus Daemocratus, to mutually scavenge any carrion washed up by the storm.
The Crizzlie is known for its occasional surly interactions with humans. It is best avoided in the wild. In captivity, it is easily distracted with food.
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