Wanted? A Plot Would Be Nice!

(formerly: Wanted- The Movie Review)
I went to see the Angelina Jolie vehicle "Wanted" over the weekend. (Warning: Some spoilers.)



The story (I’d hate to call this mish mash a plot!) revolves around nebbish Wesley Gibson, a cubicle dweller, intimidated by his obnoxious boss, his best friend who is boinking his girlfriend, and life in general. Wesley is taking drugs to control what he thinks are anxiety attacks. In the world of “Wanted”, it’s indicative of a genetic trait that gives one near super human abilities. (Think X-Men, but without the fancy tights!)

Then, the movie leaves logic, laps it a couple of times and heads for the big finish! Wesley is recruited into a thousand year old brotherhood of assassins called The Fraternity, started by …weavers! The Fraternity receive their orders to kill people from “The Loom of Fate”. Cloth coming off of the Loom can be interpreted by a binary code which will spell out the name of someone who needs to be eliminated for the good of society. Allllllllllriiiiiight! They don’t tell us who built the Loom, or which of the weavers invented a binary lettering system hundreds of years before the first computer. But, the Fruit of the Loom (Sorry! Couldn’t resist!) is to spread death. (Don’t ask why, it will only spoil the rest of the movie for you.)

Wesley is trained to be an assassin, like his father was. Mostly, his training involves getting the crap beat out of him, getting stabbed and shot repeatedly until he gets better at avoiding the pain. The Fraternity uses some sort of mystery bath to speed healing in hours instead of days. This allows our hero to get beaten, shot and stabbed repeatedly until he’s ready to go on his first assignment.

The question you may not ask yourself in the dark theater, is why, if The Fraternity have this near miraculous healing method, why don’t they share that with the world instead of killing people with exotic bullets? Or at least patent it and make enough money to let your fellow weavers live in comfort for the rest of their lives?

The special effects are very good. The story (I still can’t say “plot”) moves along fairly quickly once Wesley makes the cut. There is a sequence on a train that might be worth the price of admission by itself! Lots of slo-mo shots of bullets supposedly hitting other bullets, bullets that shoot in circles, etc.

If you just want a couple of hours of semi-mindless entertainment, Wanted may be your ticket. It’s rated “R” for brief nudity (Angelina’s tush), a half a dozen or more “f” bombs and violence- mostly violence. (Oh. And simulated boinking. I forgot the boinking!)

If you are easily offended by violence or foul language - skip this one. If you can suspend disbelief for a couple of hours, parts of the movie are quite enjoyable.

I’d give it about 3.5 stars out of 5, but it’s not for everyone.

Cross posted at Say Anything