New Year's Resolutions for 2018

I generally don't make New Year's Resolutions, so I've decided to share some of them at least, because I know y'all look up to me as a role model. (Stop laughing!) So, here goes:

#1 Be nicer to people. Yes, to all the liars, frauds, knaves, knuckleheads, disgusting demagogues, scoundrels, wastrels, ne'er-do-wells, frauds, mountebanks, liberal politicians, frauds, poseurs (did I mention frauds?), and other wastes of carbon on the planet, I will try to be more positive. Thankfully, I am writing this in 2017, so this resolution doesn't take effect yet.

#2 Stop and smell the Roses. I'm thinking...Rose McGowan, Rose Leslie, Rose...wait, what? Restraining orders? Again?? Okay, scratch that one!

#3 As much as possible, Never Watch Live TV Again. The DVR creates a digital copy virtually indistinguishable from the original. You can fast forward through about 15 minutes of commercials every hour, plus any particularly annoying liberal talking heads. Win -win!

#4 Modify my exercise program. I have been threatening to add free weights in addition to my cardio routine for some time now. It's time.

#5 Spend more time in the swimming pool. I took the total cash expended for chemicals, new equipment, etc, and divided by the number of hours actually spent swimming and came up with a sum that would retire the debt of several third world countries/ per swim. I will seriously change that ratio in 2018.

#6 Improve Time Management Now, this is one that the NFL has been helping me out on, since I'm not wasting 3-6 hours on any given Sunday, Monday or Thursday watching NFL football. (Also fits nicely with #3) Everyone is given the same amount of time in a day, and I ought to have more to show for it at the end of the day. Better time management should help get into a better routine with #4. A time and a place for everything.

#7 Read a chapter of Proverbs every day. I've done this in the past, not as a part of any resolution, but there are conveniently 31 chapters - one for every day of the month. Much wisdom there.

That's it! That's seven more than I usually do. If I can think of any others between now and the end of the year, I'll add them. 'Til then, have a happy and prosperous New Year!