PETA Phishes for Phonics

PETA has decided to fight "speciesism" by trying to modify our language to exclude casual references to animals. Mock them if you will, but maybe they just didn't go far enough? Think of all the harmful things that can affect our health and well being. Obesity is a major cause of heart failure. What if we further modified our language to eliminate some of those references to foods that are harmful to us?

Instead of "That's the way the cookie crumbles", we go with "That's the way your 401K crumbles."

Instead of bemoaning the loss of a cookie, we mourn for a real loss of our retirement nest eggs.

How about instead of "You can't have your cake and eat it too", we substitute "You can't have your significant other and your paramour, too"

"Like taking candy from a baby" becomes "Like taking carbon credits from a gross polluter."

"Easy as pie" becomes "Easy as rewriting aphorisms to accommodate current nonsensical kooky fads."

Hmm. Cookies...cakes...candy...pies?

I'll finish this later. Right now I have a case of the munchies you just can't believe!