I just got back from a business trip to Chicago...
(Business trip? I thought you were retired?)
(Shut up!)
I was sitting in a bar, telling the bartender that Barbra Streisand was the most overrated singer of the 20th century. At closing time, I got up and grabbed a handful of peanuts for the walk back to the hotel.
When I stepped outside, I was accosted by two figures, wearing "pussy hats", singing "People who need people". I dropped the peanuts to the sidewalk. (Note to Jussie Smollett: it's the small details that sell the story!)
Like with Jussie, the whole encounter was less than sixty seconds. It wasn't a fair fight. At two to one, they should have known better!
I told the Chicago Police they could identify the scene by the scattered peanuts and the blood stained pink yarn left behind.
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