Friday, February 5, 2021

Avengers Endgame: A Movie Review, Sort Of


Spoiler Alert: Do NOT read this if you enjoy Marvel movies. You will hate me for what I reveal.

I finally got it off my chest. I had been holding back from reviewing Avengers Endgame because it was so gawd awful it put me off Marvel movies for life. But a comment on Twitter opened the flood gate. He said that "the plot of Captain America: Civil War is one of the dumbest things the MCU has done"
I replied, Nah, that honor goes to Avengers End Game. Beer belly Thor goes back in time and brings his hammer back to the future with him -thus altering all of the Thor movies in the franchise, because Thor's hammer went missing...into the future. Therefore the ending of the original Thor and all lthe sequels were wrong because Thor was hammerless.
Next, Thanos travels from the past and is killed, changing the motivation and plots for both the Guardian of the Galaxy movies, when Thanos disappears and never comes back to threaten or pursue them. Last, but not least, Capt. America travels back in time to supposedly replace all the Infinity stones just as they were before they were taken, "to eliminate the possibilty of altering the timeline".
But how does he go about replacing the one ripped by Thanos from the Vision's forehead? The Wankandans, supposedly the greatest computer experts ever known, tried for hours to remove and separate the stone without killing him. Thanos appeared, rips the stone from his forehead (and part of his forehead as well), and immediately leaves with his prize. At what point does Cap sneak back, hand him the stone and say "My bad!"?
As bad or worse than the abysmal time travel paradoxes of say Star Trek Voyager, Endgame is chock-a-block with them.
Remember in the first Guardian of the Galaxy, when any human touched the Infinity stone he disintegrates? Starlord was able to handle it only because he was only half human and he still needed the help of all his friends. Tony Stark picks up a whole handful of them and snaps his fingers. Yeah. Right.
If you think about it, the paradoxes in Endgame cancel out or distort nearly every movie in the Marvel canon. It is impossible to reconcile Avengers Engame with the rest of the MCU. About the only thing I can think was untouched was the first season of Daredevil. And don't get me started on how they ruined the reboot of Spider Man!

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