Lessons in Humility

This post will be medical update adjacent. Even before I was a Dad, I would make the Dad joke that Humility was ...my best quality!  Nothing like being weaker than a kitten to keep you humble. I've been telling people that if you put me in 'the Octagon' with a three legged kitten, with two paws tied behind its back, bet on the kitten! 

Being forced to sit still for long periods of time, or lie flat or your back, gives rise to introspection. One is, that every surgery can have 'unseen complications', i.e. you could die. I used to goggle at the consent forms from my dentist, that one of the possible complications was 'death'. My GP asked me if I had any "trepidations" about the upcoming surgery? 

When you go from heavy breathing and increased heartrate from mild exertion, to heavy breathing and increased heartrate from lying down resting, one can see the sand slipping from the hourglass if nothing is done. 

I answered him with a paraphrase from Stonewall Jackson:

My religious beliefs teach me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time of my death. I do not concern myself with that but to be always ready whenever it may overtake me. That is the way all men should live, and all men would be equally brave.

But I also told him I didn't think God was finished with me yet.  We're told in Scripture, that man was created in the "image of God". I figure if God, then, is anything like me, he's not going to throw away a perfectly good white boy, that still has some usefulness in him. I have stacks of stuff  around the house that are used, but still good, not used up yet, too good to throw away, why shouldn't He?

And then I got to thinking how this latest period of weakness/mortality have changed my outlook, how much more sympathetic I am towards those undergoing illness, or weakness or suffering. How much more better fitted to minister to the broken, having been brought down about as low as one can physically go?

Over the years, I have filed away the knowledge that a portion of my current heart problem is likely congenital. From my birth, a piece of me was more prone to failure that that of my peers. So for 70 years, waiting in the wings, an unfinished melody, waiting patiently for its entrance.

But, the Lord knew me seventy times seventy times seventy times a thousand years ago, and determined exactly what kind of heart I would need to do His will. Having finally shaped me into the being He needed me to be, would He throw it all away now?

(Note to self: prepare sermon on "presumption" for next Sunday, just in case!)

So, very little trepidation. A desire to stay behind for now and do the Lord's will. Including getting those "stacks of stuff" taken care of. My housekeeping, which is 'casual' during the best of times had degraded over the last passing year, and it's a mess I do not wish to bequeath my next of kin.

So, for now, my expectation is to wake up in a hospital bed, with a very sore chest and an arm load of very excellent painkillers, which will not be quite adequate to the task. An additional six to eight weeks of being weak as a kitten, with stabs of pain when I forget just what my condition is, as I go about rebuilding my life.

And a thankfulness for every breath that I take, every sweet song that falls on my ear, and all of the friends and family I know and love. 

May God bless you, and don't wait to thank Him for His many blessings towards you. Like the old song goes, you don't know what you've got until you lose it. Start today. Carpe the diem.