Quote du jour

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders earlier tonight faced off in a debate on PBS, or as PBS calls it, "Antiques Roadshow."

- Seth Meyers

Quote du jour

Police in San Francisco are looking for a group of vandals who have been tipping Smart cars over. Well, they’re assuming it’s vandals. It could have just been a stiff breeze.

- Seth Meyers

Quote du jour

A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.

-Seth Meyers

Quote du jour

The Secret Service arrested a man today after he tried to scale a fence at the White House. They reportedly said to the man, “Sorry, but you still have two more years, Mr. President.”

- Seth Meyers