Redneck Financial Dictionary

Redneck squirrel gun.

With all the talk in the news about AIG bonuses, derivatives and such, as a public service, Proof Positive will publish a dictionary of financial terms to help fellow rednecks understand the current situation.

Principle: What you take a stand on, like the Second Amendment!

Interest: Huntin', fishin', women.

Compound Interest: Bow hunting.

Profit: Jeremiah and them fellas.

Net: What you take a-fishin'.

Borrow: Used for totin', like a wheelborrow.

No load fund: Savin' up for shotgun shells.

Invest: Where you keep your shells when you got 'em.

Revenue: Agents of the Fed'al Guv'mint

Finance: Your girl before you get hitched.

Bonds: Barry and James

Bonus: You shoot a squirrel, you get dinner and a pelt for a bonus!

Portfolio: On your bass boat, the opposite of starboard folio.

Hedge fund: Savin' up for some nice juniper bushes to line the driveway.

Stock market: cattle yard

Foreclosure: When you close the store an hour early to go a-fishin'.

Bank: Where your asset when you're a-fishin'!

Asset: Your pickup and your doublewide are where your asset when you're not a-fishin'!

Cross posted at Say Anything