The Lincoln Project is a Bad Joke

How it started -- How it's going
The advocates for the Lincoln Project, who boast of their effectiveness, because "Trump is in Mar-a-lago, isn't he?" remind me of that old joke about a man sitting on a park bench tearing newspapers into strips. When asked why he was doing it, he said it was "to keep the elephants away"

"But there are no elephants anywhere near here!"

"See? said the man. "Works pretty well doesn't it?"

Ever Have One of Those Years?

It IS 2020 After all!

Joe Biden Walks Into a Bank...

Joe Biden walks into a bank to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Biden: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Joe Biden, the former Vice President of the United States of America !!!!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the banking legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Biden: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Biden, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Biden: "My goodness. I am urging you, please, to cash this check."

Cashier: "Look Mr. Biden, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.

Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot; the tennis ball landed in my coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. Biden, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

Biden stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Biden?"

Groundbreaking News!

I just got this from Woodsterman Odie:

It came with the caption "Proof Positive that CATs don't always land on their feet".

Which is obviously false! No, this is an example of the first China to the US hole through the middle of the Earth, and it was accomplished with American made hardware!

I Have a Joke...

“I have a Charles Manson joke and it kills,”
-Nell Scovell

“I have an epidemiology joke but it hasn’t yet gone viral,”
-Gautam Menon

“I have a microbiology joke, but not sure if it is ‘cultured,’”
-Dr. Karishma Kaushik

“I have an IKEA joke, but it needs a setup.”
-A. Whitney Brown

“I have an intern joke and it… nevermind.”
-Monica Lewinsky

Worst. Snow. Angel. Ever!

H/t Wirecutter

The True Meaning of Thanksgiving -Stan Freberg

Columbus Day - Stan Freberg Style

How to Kill a Fly

1) Take an 8 x 10 glossy picture of Obama.
2) Smear a little honey on it.
3) Wait for the fly to land.
4) Set the picture on fire.

It may not kill the fly, but at least it gets rid of that nasty picture of Obama!

Old Russian Joke Updated

A Russian schoolteacher asked the class "Who are the three greatest traitors to Mother Russia?"

One student spoke up, "Khrushchev, Gorbachev, and Putin."

The teacher slaps the boy. "Fool! Who gave you NEXT year's answers?"

Santa and the FAA

The story goes that the FAA was going to go on a check flight with Santa to make sure his pilot's license was up to date.

When the FAA guy climbed into the sleigh, he carried a shotgun with him.

"What's that for," asked Santa?

"We're going to simulate losing an engine."

Modern Watch Found in Ancient Tomb?

This story is from 2008: Anachronous discovery: Swiss watch in ancient tomb

Chinese archaeologists have found a tiny Swiss watch in a tomb dating back to the Ming dynasty, which they believed has been intact for four centuries.
The watch was discovered by scientists making a documentary, reports ananova.com website.

The out-of-time piece of jewelry was pressed into the soil covering one of the coffins.

The watch is stopped at 10:06, and there is the word “Swiss” on its back.

Work at the archaeological site has been suspended and experts from Beijing have been called in to help solve this mystery...

That's nothing! When the tomb of Alexander the Great was opened, they found a sundial tied to his wrist with strips of cloth.

Obviously, Alexander's Rag Timeband!

(Points for whomever saw that one coming!)

Originally published 5/29/10

An Ethical Lawyer

An Arkansas divorce lawyer was brought before his state's ethics board, after numerous reports that he had overcharged his clients for consultants neither requested or prudent for simple divorce cases, notably, charges for services from famous urologists and even archaeologists.

"In my defense," he said, "my clients often ask me to help them determine what's urine and what's Mayan."

Most Children Play "Doctor"...

Malibu, CA (AP): Tragically, Ken® Mattel® of Malibu was found dead last Saturday, in the Malibu beach house he shared with long time common law wife Barbie® Mattel® (no relation).
An apparent suicide, his body was discovered in their kitchen, on his knees with his head stuck in an EZ Bake oven.
Attorney spokesperson for the couple, Hillary Rodham, was unavailable for comment, but did send out a press release to the effect that Ken® had been "despondent" lately.
No suicide note has been found. Closed casket services are scheduled for this coming Friday.

American Psycho

And Now, For Something Completely Different...

Original art by John Cox. More at John Cox Art

Meanwhile, He's Stroganoff...

Original art by John Cox. More at John Cox Art

Things to be Thankful For

"Barack Obama Meets With World Leaders"

The world leaders, of course, being the ones wearing ties!
Editor's note: For reference, in this photo, Obama is in the middle. The potted plant is the one on the far left.