Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Strippers Busted...Posing as Legal Aides

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Could give a whole new meaning to "legal briefs"?

Miami's Federal Jail Overrun With Strippers Posing As Paralegals, Lawyers Say

Stripteases, sexual favors, booze, porn mags, and fat stacks of cash would be run-of-the-mill in many Miami strip clubs. But at downtown's maximum security Federal Detention Center?

Multiple attorneys interviewed by Riptide say the FDC visitor rooms have been taken over by South American pole dancers posing as paralegals for wealthy drug lords inside. Lawyers hired by the accused narco dons allegedly list the scantily clad women as "legal assistants," and the FDC lets them in. Meanwhile, attorneys who refuse to go along risk losing their clients to lawyers with busty beauties on staff.

Strippers in the Federal lockup? I guess they get a higher class of clientele in the Federal pen!

"They take off their tops and let the guys touch them," veteran defense attorney Hugo Rodriguez says. "The majority of these young, very attractive women are noncitizens brought in exclusively for the purposes of visiting the FDC. Any lawyer can sign a form and designate a legal assistant. There is no way of verifying it. The process is being abused."

The accusations are difficult to prove. An FDC spokeswoman declined to comment, and prison officials refused Riptide's requests for any incident reports on faux paralegals being tossed from the facility.

But attorneys swear the scam is ongoing. One "discovery room" normally used to discuss trial strategy was recently closed, they say, after guards caught an inmate and a paralegal "discovering" more than legal documents.

I guess the "Green Mile" is behind the "Green Door"? We had a story just a while back about a lady lawyer stripping to pay the bills, but this is going way beyond that. But, it is an abuse that is hard (no pun intended) to put a stop to, due to the privacy necessary for attorney/client privilege.

I would suggest that the prisons make available rooms with at least one large window of soundproof glass, and not station anyone outside the window, but let it be known that that hallway was subject to irregular patrol.

In fact, they could call them that...the Irregular Patrol. Any irregularities observed and bam, they've got their,, couple!

Among the offenses allegedly committed by so-called paralegals: smuggling in a Playboy, feeding alcohol to an inmate by slipping a straw through a grate, and sneaking in $3,000 inside a purse.

In a scene straight out of a porno, one woman was caught on video stripping for an inmate in the jail's Special Housing Unit, attorneys say. The stripper was banned from the FDC.

Female lawyers say the phony paralegals are an embarrassment.

"I find it offensive," says an attorney who asked to remain anonymous. "This is still kind of a male-dominated profession. We try to be taken seriously, but these women aren't helping."

Contraband, cash and cuties...I guess if you have to be locked up, it's good to have all the comforts of home! Still, I kinda thought depriving wrongdoers of all the comforts of home was what incarceration was all about?

If the Feds in Miami want to clean up their holding facilities, I suggest they wear gloves!

(Please note that the lady in the above photo is, to our knowledge, not a stripper nor are we aware of anything she may have done illegal, immoral or wrong. Her parents, however, should be complimented for doing something right!)

H/T Mrs. C


  1. I think it should be easy for prison officials to pick out a stripper, they're the ones with more integrity than lawyers. Chances are good, the girls are getting more billable hours!

  2. Soon the ACLU will be advocating for lawyer/client/stripper confidentiality.


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