The Pirates of Pittance

I am the very model of a modern major socialist
I've studied economics, but too many classes I have missed.

I know the triple chambers of the Congress categorical,
From Speaker of the House unto Vice President Al Goreical.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters quite bartenderial,
I may look like an intern, but I'm really quite shmendrikial,

My policies may look like they are mostly Venezuel-e-an
But also quite correctly you can say just how 'cray cray' I am.

(With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Liberal Democrat

LIBERAL
I am the very model of a modern liberal democrat
A hurtful, hate-filled, vile, vicious, low down, no good, dirty rat
I’m venal and pernicious and obnoxious and deplorable
And yet despite it all my mother still finds me adorable.
I spend my time producing copious amounts of excrement
Then fling it, like a monkey, ’round all over Al Gores internet
I loudly shout to one and all my intellect superior
Then demonstrate with equal verve my acumen inferior.

ALL
Then demonstrate with equal verve my acumen inferior.
Then demonstrate with equal verve my acumen inferior.
Then demonstrate with equal verve my acumen inferi-eiror.

LIBERAL
My grasp of fact is not the best; in truth it is quite tenuous
My view of history, ‘bout the same, is fractured, filtered, nebulous.
A hurtful hate-filled vile vicious low down no good dirty rat
I am the very model of a modern liberal democrat.

ALL
A hurtful hate-filled vile vicious low down no good dirty rat
He is the very model of a modern liberal democrat.

LIBERAL
I’ve studied Saul Alinsky and I’m practiced as a radical.
I cling to every tenant of the socialist, fanatical.
I make my rounds of all the liberal hotspots on the internet.
Then parrot what I read just like some kind of mind numb malcontent.
The topics that I comment on are peppered well with BDS.
I get the talking points I mouth from CNN and PBS.
The New York Times is like a bible that I pray to everyday.
I never question anything, no matter how dumb, that they say.

ALL
I never question anything, no matter how dumb, that they say
I never question anything, no matter how dumb, that they say
I never question anything, no matter how dumb, that they say, they say.

LIBERAL
I bloviate and obfuscate and knowingly prevaricate
I castigate, vituperate, at slinging mud, I’m really great.
A hurtful hate-filled vile vicious low down no good dirty rat
I am the very model of a modern liberal democrat.

ALL
A hurtful hate-filled vile vicious low down no good dirty rat
He is the very model of a modern liberal democrat.

LIBERAL
In fact when I can denigrate an African American (R)
With slurs the like of which were never dreamt of by the Ku Klux Klan.
When I can fight for death row cads just like they were my son or brother
Or the right of murder that belongs to an expectant mother.
When I can call my enemy, but not my homo friend, a fag
And tolerate behavior that would likely make a maggot gag.
Then all my wastrel pals would turn their beaming faces up at me
And say a better liberal democrat they never hope to see.

For my militant proclivities, both overt and clandestine-y,
Have only been brought down since the middle of our last century.
But still, a hate-filled vile vicious low-down no good dirty rat,
I am the very model of a modern liberal democrat.

-Onslaught1066

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan