The Schadenfreude Olympics

Is it any coincidence that the American athletes who most disrespected the American flag failed to show up on the medal platforms of the Tokyo Olympics? Megan Rapinhoe's Woman's Soccer team lost to Canada. Gwen Berry placed 11th in the hammer throw.

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niner Report

Leave it to the hapless Niners! They can't even hold on to last place, but it's not for want of trying. Niners dropped another game Sunday, 24 -13 to the Seahawks, giving them a 1 and 10 season record. Yet the Browns managed to lose to the Bengals, 30 -16, to remain hands down losing champs at 0 and 11.

Hang in there Niners! You can do it. We know you can!

Your Schadenfreude Cleveland Brown/NFL Report

Funny. I saw a Tweet about the empty NFL stadiums and I said to myself, "Yeah. The NFL is a thing!" I'd totally forgotten about them. I will admit that I thought about them briefly, once on Sunday morning, when I woke up in the fifties. My cable was broadcasting every channel in black and white, and I thought that would be lousy if I had to watch a football game in black and white on my high tech TV. After that...zilch!

But for those of you still keeping track, Cleveland has taken sole possession of the worst record in the NFL at 0 and 10, edging out the 1 and 9 Niners for the bottom spot. I still believe the Niners have it in them to blow that lead, because I think they're playing again this week.

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niner Report

The Arizona Cardinals, coming into the game at 3-4 are now 4-4. The 0-8 Niners, striving to get to the bottom of the NFL heap, are now 0-9. The hapless Cleveland Browns, who were also at 0-8, have a bye week this week, giving the Niners sole control of the basement! For at least a week...

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niner Report

The beat goes on! Despite a 33- 10 loss to the Eagles today, the Niners were not able to take complete control of the basement. The Browns traveled all the way to England to maintain their 0-8 tie with the hapless Niners for last place.

This Last Saturday's Poll/ Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niner Report

The question for This Last Saturday's Poll: HOW BADLY WOULD THE COWBOYS HAVE TO PLAY FOR THE NINERS TO BEAT THEM?

Responses were evenly divided among "High School Second String Bad", "Obama First Pitch Bad" and "Don't show up At All".

The League is leaving SF behind!

The actual Cowboys beat the Niners 40 - 10, with some reports that the first string Cowboys left the stadium for sushi at halftime and didn't come back.

This puts the Niners 0-7 on the season. The hapless Browns came close to leaving the Niners alone in the cellar, but Tennessee managed to squeak by in an overtime win 12-9. Better luck next week SF!

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niner Report

The vaunted 49er's have gone from sharing the bottom with two other teams to sharing it with just one other team. The race to the uncontested last place is unabated. The 0 and 6 Niners will face the Cowboys on Sunday, while the 0 and 6 Cleveland Browns meet Tennessee. Sole possession of the Worst of the NFL is in their grasp!

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niner Report

I am told that our formerly fabulous 49er's are now sharing the bottom of the NFL rankings with only two other teams at 0 and 5 on the season. I also hear that puts the Niners at 2 and 18 since Pooperdink, to use Kennedy's turn of phrase, started his take a knee nonsense. 2 and 18? Smokin'!

And speaking of smokin'...here's perhaps the only reason to watch these days...

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

I normally don't pause in the sports section long enough to count to one these days, but for some perverse reason, I decided to take a look at the standings of my local NFL team. Seems that the Niners are one of four teams with an 0 and 4 record so far this season.

Hence, the only reason to watch a Niners game is...

You're welcome.

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Having blown their shot at a 14 game losing streak last week, the Hapless Niners at least showed up for their 14th loss this season. They blew a 14-3 lead to lose to the Seattle Seahawks 25 -23.

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Bad news for Schadenfreuders! The two worst teams in the NFL both won today Saturday*.

Browns beat the Chargers by 3.
Niners squeaked by the hapless Rams by 1.


*Guess that's what happens when you ignore them well enough!

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Thirteen!! Yea!
In keeping with keeping the bad news coming, the San Francisco 49er's, in keeping with their recent traditions, managed not to embarrass themselves completely (but you could see it from there), managed with thirteen points, to lose their thirteenth straight game to the Atlanta Falcons today, showing that they are not the least bit superstitious.

In addition, they've set a franchise record by allowing over 2400 rushing yards this season, the single worst defense in the team's history!

Falcons 41, Niners 13

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Today, I made an exception to my boycott of the NFL, to take a peek* at the 1-11 Niners. They managed to lose a 14 point lead, managed to lose a three point lead in the last minute of regular play to lose to the New York Jets in overtime, stretching their losing streak to 12 straight games.

Karma takes a knee. Jets 23 - Niners 17. Niners go 1-12 on the season.


* I didn't watch but a couple minutes at the end of the fourth quarter. They were close enough to losing, so, I stuck around for OT. I was not disappointed.

Oh, and just in case anyone was wondering how I managed to get this post up mere seconds after they lost, it's because I started writing it before the end of the fourth quarter!

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Annnnnnnnd it's eleven straight!

Colin Kaepernick's day ends with 4 pass yards and 5 sacks. First QB in NFL history with 5 sacks and fewer than 5 yards in a game.

— Michael David Smith (@MichaelDavSmith) December 4, 2016

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

"Hands up! Don't score!"
Not that I was paying any attention to the NFL, but this showed up in my RSS feeds:

Son of Cuban immigrant tackles Kaepernick to end game, defeat 49ers

Bringing the Niners to 1-10 on the season, which isn't the worst in the league, but you can see it from there! Entirely fitting that the son of those who escaped from Castro's Cuba should tackle one of Fidel's admirers!

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

The Niners are a little behind.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you the following:

Niners lose nine straight. Guinness record of suckiness is now within reach! (1-9)

We now return you to a world of actual competence.

Your Updated Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Wearing black is appropriate for mourning.
On the heels of yesterday's report is yet another report on our hapless heels! Headline, dead tree sports section:

Niners lose eight straight

Crying towels at eleven...

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Once again, not because I am following them, but I happened to glance at the sports section of today's dead tree newspaper and saw this:

"In compiling a seven game losing streak, the 49ers (1-7) have become the first team in NFL history to allow a 100 yard rusher in seven consecutive games"

The San Francisco 49ers are not in limbo, but are apparently dancing the limbo:

"How low can you go?"

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

I inadvertently caught the score of last week's Niner's game.
The Buccaneers 'squeaked' by them 34- 17.  Poor babies!
This leaves Kaepernick's Merry Pranksters at 1 and 6 on the season.
Das ist aber schade!




"Digging down deep to get to the bottom to stay on top!"

Your Schadenfreude NFL/Niners Report

Dear friends I have often found myself in the position of doing something odious so that you don't have to. I've sat through tedious conventions and countless boring debates, to sift through for those pertinent nuggets, freeing you to live your lives without that burden. It's a public service!

In that same spirit, I deviated from my morning routine to actually read a story on the sports page, since many of you, like me, have gone cold turkey on NFL football and are ignoring most, if not all of it.

For my homies here on the West Coast, here's the pertinent part of the AP story on the Niners Cardinals game:

"There were several thousand empty seats at the game..."

The Niners have one win and four losses, stink on ice, and you're not missing anything.

(Well, maybe the cheerleaders!)