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"I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”

– Steven Wright

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Ever notice how it’s a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!

— Steven Wright

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"If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals, you will run out!"

-Steven Wright

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I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

-Steven Wright

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“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

― Steven Wright

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Cross country skiing is great, if you live in a small country.

-Steven Wright

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“Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”

― Steven Wright

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"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"

-Steven Wright

Quote du jour

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect.

-Steven Wright