Sunday, December 31, 2017

Predictions for 2018

I haven't done this in a while, since 2013 in fact. Continuing to predict what would befall us under the reign of our last Temp Agency President was just too depressing. Fear not! Predictions have boldly returned!

In 2018 I predict:

* Al Franken will resign on January 2nd. (Actually, this is my least reliable prediction, since it's based on the word of a liberal Democrat!)

* The economy will continue to boom. There will be at least three new all time highs for the Dow in the first quarter, and possibly a record number of all time highs for a calendar year.

* Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi will alternately try to tell you that the economy is Armageddon or that Trump wasn't responsible for its success, it was all Obama!

* People will start to see more take home pay in February. Schumer and Pelosi will cite mass hallucinations.

* Kim Jong-un will continue to fire missiles periodically, but not actually target anyone or anything that would require a military response.

* Good news! Super Bowl ads will be more affordable this year!

* Bad news: Fewer people will be watching

* Last place Cleveland Browns will receive a first round draft choice in the NFL

* Highly rated college quarterbacks may seek asylum in Venezuela.

* The Russian Collusion investigation will finally fizzle out without any indictments concerning the campaign, since the only definite connection they can find between "Russia" and "Trump" is that both are in the dictionary. Merriam Webster is expected to cop a plea.

* At least one section of The Wall will be built

* In the midterm elections, Democrats have more vulnerable seats than Republicans. Historically, the party out of power picks up seats in the midterms. They will retain many, but four to seven months of higher pay and a continually improving economy will have voters voting their pocketbooks and doom any dream of Democrats regaining a majority in the House. Dems will lose seats despite celebrities, big money, out-of-state infusions of cash.

* That viral video of an apparently sick and dying polar bear will continue to be circulated as "evidence" of global warming. It is not.

* Al Gore will adopt a polar bear

* The polar bear will sue for emancipation.

* The Justice Department will reopen an investigation into Hillary Clinton's various and sundry crimes. Even with a preponderance of unshredded evidence and still breathing witnesses, the political downside will be such as to cause the investigation to lapse without prosecution. (BTW, nothing would make me happier than to be proven wrong here.)

* In an attempt to regain relevance, alleged comedienne Kathy Griffin will announce that she has evidence of crimes committed by Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Foundation.

* Kathy Griffin's severed head will be discovered in Fort Marcy Park.  Next to her suicide note.

* The MSM will continue to ignore the booming economy, the military victories in Iraq and Syria, and continue to focus on Trump's possible belief in UFOs**, Sarah Sanders' pie making abilities and whether or not Jim Acosta gets to asks his nattering questions on live TV.

* Donald Trump will Tweet stuff that makes people mad. Sad!

And finally,

* Liberal trolls will still be clueless.

Please feel free to disagree or offer predictions of your own in the comments. We'll check back next December to tally the scorecard and remind you all just how right I was!

Happy New Year!

**Based solely on reports of expenditures authorized by Harry Reid during the Obama administration. No, seriously!

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