Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Predictions for 2014

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Those of you waiting with bated breath for someone to make predictions about the coming year are in luck. Not about the coming year, of course, that will still suck or get suckier.

++ Obama's signature accomplishment, Obamacare, will continue to be his bane in 2014. The administration will lose at least one court case challenging the President's authority to arbitrarily make changes in the law.

++ Millions more will be cancelled from their current insurance plans than sign up at the federal exchanges.

++ Israel will stage an attack, overt or covert, on Iranian nuclear facilities

++ Edward Snowden will not be offered amnesty by the US...unless he dons a serape and enters the US from the south, across the Rio Grande.

++ Amnesty for illegals (by another name) will be an election year topic. Anything to change the conversation from Obamacare

++ In January, thousands of conversations in doctors' offices will take place, in which the second thing said will be either: "What do you mean I don't have insurance?" or "How high did you say my deductible is??"

++ Also in January, Obama will once again arbitrarily (and illegally) suspend at least one more provision of the "passed by Congress, law of the land, Supreme Court approved, signed by the President" Unaffordable Healthcare Act

++ Ex Congressman Anthony Weiner will market a line of Tofu hot dogs. Bun length.

++ In February, Debbie Wassermann Schultz will still be telling people that the only problem with Obamacare is the website.

++ The twerk will leave as quickly as it came

++ "If you like your _____, you can keep it" will be a cheap and easy laugh line all throughout 2014

++ The 29 hour work week will become the de facto standard for the majority of new hires in 2014

++ The New York Times will come out with an editorial explaining that Obama was not responsible for Obamacare, rather it was an obscure video by Michael Moore

++ Underestimating the nation's anger over Obamacare and the lies told to sell it, Democrats will not only not retake the House, but will narrowly lose the Senate. 52-48

++ There will be a terrorist attack on the Russian Winter Olympics severe enough to make several countries withdraw from the games.

++ Gun control advocates will make a major push in 2014. Look for it to become a major campaign topic as well, as Democrats running from the President and Obamacare try to further their careers on the backs of dead children.

++ The sale of long guns in California will slow for the first time during the Obama administration, as new gun registration laws take effect. (After having made record sales in December)

++ Obama will confess in an interview with Barbara Walters, that his interest in watching the series "Breaking Bad" is to help him explore employment opportunities in 2017

++ Interest rates will begin creeping up, negating any real growth in the economy.

++ Because of the state of the economy, Michelle will limit her taxpayer expensed vacations to no more than six. Or eight. No more than twelve!

++ China will continue expansion of its blue water navy and will continue their quest for territorial expansion

++ Fukushima will market it's own brand of glow-in-the-dark sushi*

++ More witnesses to the Benghazi attacks will come forward to testify, sparking new Congressional hearings**

++ Detroit falls from first to second largest city in the country to declare bankruptcy. Detroit mayor vows not to give up fight. Stockton, CA changes the banners for their Asparagus Festival to "We're Number Three!"

++ Ex Congressman Anthony Weiner will market a line of smart phones with a macro lens to take ultra close ups. It will be called the "Big Macro Daddy"

++ Eric Holder will indict Will Ferrell for ostentatious osculation and suspicion of being a thespian. ***

++ Obama will play another 40-50 rounds of golf (No. Seriously.)

++ Joe Biden will say something really stupid. (C'mon! That's a "gimme"!)

++ Al Gore will fly in a private jet, met by a limousine (with the motor left running to keep the car comfortable), to make a speech on how much we need to cutback our lifestyle to save the planet.

++ If one more "selfie" of Barry and some blonde babe shows up on the Internet, Michelle gets half the House (and a third of the Senate)

and finally...

++ Liberal trolls will still be clueless.

That's it for now! If you think this is easy, leave your own predictions in the comments and we'll check back here next year to see who did better? I double dog dare you! Heh.

*Just to see if you're paying attention!

**Really hadn't thought much about Benghazi in these predictions, but a clueless Internet troll seemed to expect at least one. This one's for you, Ema!

***This will be dismissed for lack of evidence.

Cross posted at LCR


  1. Great selfie Proof! My prediction? Unfortunately the Dow, S & P and Nasdaq will lose 30%-50% of their value making the 87, 01 and 08 nosedives seem like a splash in the kiddie pool. I hope the hell I miss this one...

  2. The Fed has been propping them up for years, so now that the Fed's cutting back, it makes sense that stocks might tend to tank. I hope you miss that one, too.

  3. Vladimir Putin will come out of the closet.

    Experimental monkeys escape from a lab causing a pandemic.

    I predict the return of mesh shirts for men.

    The best way to predict the future is to create it

  4. "Experimental monkeys escape from a lab causing a pandemic."

    Sounds like a Bruce Willis movie!

  5. Like the end of the Reign of Error in 2017? Over half way there, Admiral!


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